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If you are anything like me, you are saddened, shocked and possibly annoyed at the news of all these impending divorces lately. Mary J. Blige & Kendu, Janet Jackson & Wissam Al Mana, Tiny & T.I, Carmelo & LaLa Anthony, Jesse Williams & Aryn Aryn Drake-Lee, are all in the news because of their current relationship struggles. Much too often we take the news personally and make conclusions based on extremely limited knowledge. We also tend to take it personally, as if it’s actually about us. There are three sides to every ‘relationship gone wrong’ story; his side, her side & the truth. We don’t always know the truth. We only know what is being fed to us via the media and personal statements. As I was thinking about this, some thoughts came to my mind about how we handle information about our favorite celebrities divorcing and what we should do instead.
First, we make several, often wrong assumptions about their lives. Sadly, when celebrities face issues, we as a public make assumptions. We think we know what happened & will sometimes make it clear that if were us, we would not have done “thus and so”. Case in point, in light of Mary J. Blige’s divorce, I emphatically proclaimed with hoards of other woman that; “there is no way I would let a man live off of me, pay all his bills and his spousal support if he left!” However, chances are that if you are a multi-millionaire and married the love of your life who also helps you with the day to day aspect of your career, you would most likely support that individual financially. On the flip side, if the person you married was the wealthy one & you got accustomed to a certain lifestyle, you would probably want to maintain it. So naturally, you would ask for a certain amount of money. When a divorce story breaks, we also tend to think someone cheated. Divorce doesn’t always mean adultery or some other salacious story. Sometimes folks just grow apart. The facts are, we don’t know the facts. Everything is speculation. Until you face one of these scenarios (which I hope is never), you don’t know what your behavior will be.
Secondly, we take these divorces as personal failure & stir fear in our own hearts. Sometimes we take celebrity divorces as a personal failure. We think because we’ve listened to their songs, watched their shows, enjoyed them playing a sport, or even give an amazing speech, that we know these people. The truth is, we do not. What we do know is that they are human, and we shouldn’t go on the internet bashing them with our limited information and skewed insight. Also, if you are bashing someone, it’s most likely due to a personal event, fear or trauma to which you are responding. You might be fearful about the state of your current relationships or lack of one, so you let fear speak. Also, too often I see pictures of celebs circling the internet with the hashtag: #RelationshipGoals. While it’s good to applaud others, a picture snapped in a moment of time should never be a #Goal. There are too many people smiling in photos, who are nowhere near happy. My point is, check your own heart and mind. Did the breakup news tap into something you need to deal with personally in your own life?
Instead, we should handle the information like we would a loved one. It really bothers me when people assume the seat of judge and jury, then proceed to talk about how they should handle their business. (Confession: I am guilty of this at times). Treat the information like you would if it was a loved one; with compassion, empathy & kindness. If you believe in the power of prayer, send up a prayer for them. Emanate some positive vibes & affirming words for the people dealing with heartbreak. They need support, not to be bullied online by the media and people who don’t know them. If you admire a person, give them the benefit of the doubt and the grace of positivity.
Life happens, people get divorced and painful situations occur. Don’t let it consume you. Instead, let it be a reason to love a little harder, extend more peace, and be a little sweeter. What the world needs, is love. Today and always. Prayers up for everyone facing the painful trauma of divorce and heartbreak. You are still loved and valuable to this world, celebrity or not.