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Yesterday while speaking to a non-black, female psychologist, I was instantly irritated by a berating comment she made. A comment that has come out of her mouth on more than one occasion. A remark that caused me to take pause & give her a serious side-eye. Her remark was; “quality black men are scarce”. The first time I heard her say it, I let it slide. But, when she said it again last night, the hairs on my neck stood up in defiance. Her particular comment to me was, “You should go everywhere you can if you want a mate, because you are looking for a needle in a haystack”. When I asked her to clarify, she said: “I know that in the Black community there seems to be a lack of responsible & quality men”. She went on to explain how many of her African-American woman clients have expressed this to her. Now I admit I was quite offended, at first. But I remembered that this woman is basically being paid to hear people complain about their lives & share their negative feelings/experiences. So naturally she will hear nothing but horror stories &’ woe-is-me, pity party tales. Because of this (and probably her own personal prejudices), her outlook is quite skewed in the wrong direction. And I don’t blame her necessarily.
First things first, I want to make it clear that I do not take kindly to people outside of my race talking negatively about the people in my race. This is akin to the “relative rule’. You know it well: You can talk about any one of your relatives all day long, but if someone who is not in your family attempts to do the same thing, there is usually a problem. Right? Now, I did not feel the need to defend my brothers, because I knew that wouldn’t solve anything, but I made it extremely clear that her statement is unfounded. I personally know plenty of wonderful black men who have remarkable qualities. I greatly admire, respect, and love them all dearly. I can truly say that I have more GOOD black men in my life than I do bad. Probably because the ‘bad’ usually don’t stick around me too long. (I am allergic to bull, foolishness, and nonsense). So, I know for a fact that what this doctor said is not truth. Which brings me to my main concern.
Have WE so put each other down that other races view our men as incompetent, unfaithful, lazy, and uneducated? I ask because this sure seems to be the thought process of this particular Jewish psychologist based on the rhetoric of her African-American woman clientele. We should not be speaking negatively about each other to other races. There is already too much stereotyping as it is. Let’s not perpetuate it.
Also, have we allowed the media and so-called statistics make women anxious & fearful that good black men are scarce so you better grab one quick and smother him because there won’t ever be another one for you? Do we truly think that we are searching for a ‘needle in a haystack’? Again, more lies. Don’t believe the hype of everything you hear, see, and read. Except this blog of course :). Understand that the Black man is not generally praised or given much credit to, even when the Black man is the President of the United States.
I think we need make a more concerted effort to:
If we, as a people don’t uphold each other, who will?
I dedicate this blog to all of the phenomenal Black men that I have privilege of knowing. You are an example of decency, integrity, responsibility, maturity, respect in action. You are intelligent, strong, and loving. Blue Collar, White Collar, Preacher Collar, no Collar…. Wealthy, not-so-wealthy, tall, or short. From white chocolate to dark chocolate…. You are amazing & I love you.
Your Friend, Sistah & Black Power Queen…